Do You Feel Lonely and Worry That You’ll Never Find Lasting Love?

Perhaps you’re growing older and are still single, and you fear that your chances of finding the right partner are growing slimmer and slimmer. It may be that you’re dating and meeting new people on dating sites, but you still haven’t connected with the right person and increasingly wonder if something is wrong with you. Or, maybe you’re in a relationship, but feel unfulfilled, unappreciated and unheard. You may worry that you’ll never find anyone better. Alternately, perhaps you’ve just experienced a break-up, and feelings of grief and regret are making it difficult for you to focus on anything else. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, is the pain you’re feeling right now all too familiar? Do you wish you could better understand your needs and feelings, develop greater self-worth and learn how to create a healthy relationship while honoring your authentic self?

Whether you’re tired of being single, unhappy in your relationship or mourning a break-up, navigating relationship challenges can be a confusing, disheartening and overwhelming experience. You may feel as though you’re stuck repeating the same relationship patterns over and over again. Maybe your relationships seem to go well in the early stages, but after awhile, you find yourself having the same argument you’ve had with all of your past partners. Or, perhaps none of your relationships seem to last beyond that initial stage. Even when you’re seeing someone, you might feel lonely, restless or insecure. You might have tried everything you can think of to foster a healthy relationship, but nothing’s worked. Perhaps you’re losing hope in the possibility of finding a supportive, deep and lasting love.

If You’re Feeling Exhausted by Relationship Issues, You’re Not Alone

In our society, there is a great deal of pressure to find the right partner and settle down. You may have received strong messages that being single or in an unhealthy relationship means that something is wrong with you. In truth, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, and your relationship status has nothing to do with your worth. Unfortunately, the pressure to find the right partner can leave little time to find out who you are and what you need to feel happy, fulfilled and secure. And, sometimes,   perfectionism can be used as a cover-up for self-doubt, fear and low self-esteem. If you’re like me, you may have spent years rejecting partners by claiming there was someone better out there, when you really fear commitment and rejection. Or, perhaps you’re staying with someone to preserve the façade of a perfect relationship even though, on the inside, you feel empty and out of balance.

Everyone learns how to engage in relationships by observing early caregivers. But that doesn’t mean healthy lessons are learned. Humans have a natural tendency to recreate the chaos of the past because it is familiar. We then begin telling ourselves a story about how life and love work, and over time, that story becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, you may have watched your parents argue and learned that, like your parents, you’ll fall in love with the wrong person. Then, as an adult, you may find yourself falling in love with the wrong person again and again, and unless you interrupt the cycle, that story seems more and more true with each new hurt.

Although painful, these sorts of relationship patterns are incredibly common. You’re not broken or hopeless if you’re feeling lonely and stuck in the same unfulfilling relationships. The good news is that it is possible for you to heal deep, emotional wounds and develop the personal insights needed to feel fulfilled. By working with a skilled, nonjudgmental therapist, you can resolve the chaos of the past and move forward into a more empowered, loving future.